we've had a week of ups and downs, of the deepest felt love and the strangest sadness. noah is confused and seems angry with me, and sometimes rough with isla. i am post-partum, hormones racing through my body making me think i can't adequately mother these two little ones. and physically i am sore and tired, with even sitting still requiring effort. aaron is his usual strong and supportive self, but he can only do so much. and he is on his own search for fullness, in his work and his creative life. isla is calm and lovely, but she too is figuring out how to be a person in the world. we are all in a strange new place.
which made andrea's prayers--for strength, for peace, for patience and healing--all the more apt, for all of us. and i felt the touch of her fingers on my forehead, tracing the sign of the cross in holy oil, as a powerful seal--sealing me to these other fragile members of my family, sealing my bursting heart, sealing my bleeding wounds, sealing us all to christ.
and we all fell asleep smelling sweet and strong.
6 comments:
Wow, Jess, what a beautiful and powerful experience! Thanks so much for sharing, and I feel deeply for you in your post-partum upheaval. I will particularly pray for little Noah's acceptance of this new member of your family, but I also have seen so many times that this transition can be gradual. Take care of yourself and trust the journey that you all are on! Much love and congratulations from all of us Swansons!
Strength, peace, patience--what every parent needs so much! I'm just now beginning to realize how much those things are lacking in my life and causing so much stress, impatience, and anger in my parenting. How wonderful for you to have someone praying for those things so early in Isla's life.
and prayers will be with you from me too! i've been thinking of you all a lot the last few days!
Blessings… Your title says it all. Congratulations!!
First, I would like to complement you on your openness and ability to share your experience in such an articulate, spiritual and heart warming manner. If the rest of the world could communicate such as you, we would not have to experience any strife.
Welcome to the real world of parenting and raising a growing family! It sure is a different adjustment with each new addition to the family. But with each new child\addition comes a “Blessing”. The “Blessing” is not just the arrival of the new child or new member of the Family. The true “Blessing” is the growth you experience in learning to love, nurture, to be patient, overcome new obstacles, to support, to adjust... and the list goes on. The TRUE “Blessing” is the actual growth you experience.
As you know in you’re mind, the post-partum and hormones will eventually stabilize and your spirit\soul and personal life will settle down. But as you work through this period in your life, realize and remind yourself “HOURLY”, that you have what it takes to not just be a good Mom, but a GREAT Mom. You also have what it takes to be a great wife at the same time. You now you have three precious people looking up to you and relying on you. You WILL do fine and will be able to meet all their needs in time with the Lords help.
One thing that I found in my life with adding new members to the family, was to let the older child\children feel as though they were a part of the “welcoming” and let them get involved. For instance, when we were expecting our second child, I had our oldest make a video welcoming the new arrival to our home. It was kind of like a tour of the house pointing out important areas like the kitchen, nursery and play areas. This also documented a point in time in our lives. As they get older and you add additional siblings, let the children help get the crib or nursery ready. But DON’T make them the babysitter or care taker.
My thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family daily.
Ohhh... Bye the way, you really have an eye for photography. Your pictures are exceptional. If you put your Photography skills in with your writing ability, you would be on the NY Times Best Seller List or book of the month Club.
Jess, thanks for this poignant piece of writing. This is such a precious time for all four of you as you adjust and nurse and parent and share and long for sleep while at the same time wanting to treasure each day. May peace rest on your home this week.
Love Mom B
thanks everyone for the kind comments. every day is still a challenge but also a blessing. (the latter is harder to remember!) but we are all adjusting and getting familiar with our new family.
anonymous, do i know you? i appreciate your comments.
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