monday night music

at our monday night dinners we're often treated to some lovely live music from lily (with kevin and maryka as back-up). noah has been really into lily, the music and her banjo (in that order), which was a bit of a shocker to us non-musical parents. but it's exciting to think that he might be into something that neither of us knows anything about. anyway, lily told aaron about the possibility of making a banjo for noah out of an old cookie tin, and of course aaron got psyched about that project right away. he did some research and came up with this beautiful little banjo. (the cool tin is from barbara.) noah likes it but probably won't be auditioning for old crow medicine show anytime soon. we're working on figuring out how to play "itsy bitsy spider," his current favorite song.

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and here's a video from last week of lily (on banjo) and her friend patrick (on fiddle) playing "pig in a pen." noah is dancing and shaking his maraca.

irene crossing the finish line!

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today we went up to vancouver to watch irene participate in the UBC triathalon. she swam, then biked, then ran. she did awesome!! we were all totally wowed by her sheer athleticism (not that it was a secret). i felt really tired at the end of the day, probably from vicarious exhaustion.

noah liked watching the swimming portion the best. he kept pointing out that the swimmers were wearing hats. maybe aunt irene will take him under her wing and start teaching him how to be hardcore. he did wow us by walking home about 8 blocks the other night after a friend's barbeque. he has WAY more energy than i do lately. if only he could do the dishes!

more pictures from the day here.

irene swimming at the UBC triathalon

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it's a baby!

a teeny tiny one--about six inches or so now at 16 weeks. crazy how it can be so tiny and look so baby-like already!

today we had our first ultrasound, mainly with the purpose of determining a due date. which is a bit silly to me, since i am 100% sure of the conception date, but my word doesn't count as empirical evidence. (although the technician confirmed my claim.) but that's okay. it was fun to see this little one inside me, wiggling all around, waving its arms and kicking its legs. and reassuring to know it's really a baby and not a little bunny or something...

i had this lovely vision of noah seeing the image of his new sibling on the screen and really bonding with it, understanding that this little baby is in his mama's belly and will someday come out and play with him. that vision lasted about two seconds, and was soon replaced with real visions of noah playing peek-a-boo with aaron behind the privacy curtain, climbing up onto the bed with me and trying to steal the wand away from the ultrasound technician. this doesn't have any bearing on his future relationship with this little one, does it?

whistler weekend 2008

through some amazing work connection, aaron's dad has been able to organize a relatively free family weekend in whistler for the past three years. it is one of my favorite weekends of the year. think cozy condo, fireplace, hot tub, games, junk food, watching "the office," seinfeld and saturday night live, lots of people giving noah attention, awesome cross-country skiing, sledding, gawking at prices in the whistler village shops, more junk food, more games, and best of all (according to noah), zillions of construction vehicles hard at work all along the sea-to-sky highway!

sunday afternoon aaron, irene, grandpa, noah and i spent a few hours cross-country skiing-- definitely for me the highlight of the trip. we did some really fun trails with ups and downs, and the sun was out and it was warm and lovely. noah chilled in his little sled, with a snowball throwing break mid-trip and a snooze at the end.

we also got to take a free ride up the blackcomb ski gondola, quite high up the mountain. it was snowy and overcast, so we couldn't see the lay of the land, but the ride itself was quite the thrill, especially for noah.

and on the way home, we stopped to visit bandstra transport, and noah got to "drive" a forklift and ride around the yard in a big bandstra truck. he was in vehicle heaven. grandpa definitely has the keys to this little boy's heart!

more pictures from the weekend here.

sledding with daddy (a movie)

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sledding with grandpa (a movie)

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noah sleds down a hill with grandpa behind our condo in whistler

bandstra truck ride (a movie)

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grandpa takes noah for a ride around the yard in a bandstra truck.

skiing with aunt irene (a movie)

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sherpa irene takes a turn pulling noah in his cozy sled

words

i've been thinking a lot about words lately. my lenten resolution is to reinstate words to an important place in my daily life, through reading or writing them. i wanted to particularly focus on reading prayers and spiritual writing, and though i haven't made this a daily practice i am enjoying thinking more about prayers. here is one i read recently that has stayed with me:

jesus, you are the way through the wilderness: show us your truth in which we journey, and by the grace of the holy spirit be in us the life that draws us to god. amen.

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it's hard not to think about the importance of words as the political races continue. i heard recently that hillary clinton is critiquing barack obama for his fancy oratory, which she says is nice but not realistic. her speeches, on the other hand, are down-to-earth and get-to-the-point, without flowery idealism. while i appreciate her pragmatism, her words do not inspire me. and isn't that the main purpose of a political leader? to inspire the people, to give them the leadership and the energy to come together to make their country great? words are a huge part of that process of being moved. i want to listen, to let the energy and power of great words roll over me, make my heart beat and my blood flow, make me more alive.

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aaron, maryka and i recently saw cornell west speak here in bellingham. talk about inspiring words! he is really a modern-day prophet. he spoke about black history, redefining it to focus not on blacks in america as victims, but rather as prophets, as creators, as peace-makers, people of god. he said that in response to the wrongs done them, black people could easily have chosen to respond with terrorism. instead they responded with non-violent political action, with jazz and blues, with poems and novels and art and gospel music. black history in america is full of stories of people turning hatred into love, despair into hope.

here he is, talking about hope in an interview you can read here.

Cornel West: You have to draw a distinction between hope and optimism. Vaclav Havel put it well when he said "optimism" is the belief that things are going to turn out as you would like, as opposed to "hope," which is when you are thoroughly convinced something is moral and right and just and therefore you fight regardless of the consequences. In that sense, I'm full of hope but in no way optimistic.

Q: What is it that underpins your hope? What is it that makes you carry on, regardless?

West: People who are still out there, fighting against the darkness and thunder. For me, that's a form of bearing witness, and, of course, intellectuals try to reflect critically on the witness that they bear. There are always hundreds and hundreds, thousands and thousands, millions and millions of folk around the world who are cutting against the grain. That's the kind of movement and motion that we hope, somewhere down the line, will lead to the higher-level organizing and mobilizing necessary to transform these societies that are shot through with so many institutional forms of evil.

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one more word: trust. our church is in the middle of a split, and we were recently visited by our diocesan bishop, who answered parishioners' questions on the future of our parish, the wider episcopal church, and on his own beliefs. he didn't give any simple answers to the complicated issues at hand. he did say that he finds it helpful to focus less on figuring out clear answers to all the complications within the system of christianity, and to focus more on trusting the god that the system is all about.

i like that.

dancing with yaya (a movie)

noah gets his groove on with lily (yaya) and the other mason streeters last monday night, pausing to give lily a "bump" and eat some pie.

kevin's song

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kevin regales us with his newfound banjo skills at monday night dinner.  (sorry it's kind of hard to see...)

automatic bus fun (a movie)

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fun with noah's new automatic double decker

in praise of telling too soon

i just read this article on the mothering magazine website, and it made me feel really good. which is weird, maybe, considering the article is about miscarriage. but its title, "in praise of telling too soon," speaks to the author's positive experience sharing her life with her community. she miscarried at 20 weeks, and had to "untell" everyone she had told about her expected baby. she says:

"The thing about miscarriage that I most feared was that it seemed so invisible. I hadn't really looked pregnant yet; the baby was just a tiny thing (the size of a raspberry, the books said). With the code of secrecy surrounding the "don't tell too early" story, there did seem to be a residual sense of shame about what was happening; as though it should be kept in the realm of women's maladies that happen "down there," in the dark, that we're not allowed to talk about. But I knew that something real had happened to me; it was not invisible.

If I had kept my pregnancy and miscarriage a secret, if I had bought the shame story, then I would not have been real. I can't even imagine having to fake it with the most important people in my life: to pretend that nothing was wrong, during one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. That, to me, seems much more traumatic than having to "untell" and then tell the people who love you that you could use a little love and support. And then let them give it."

i really like this perspective. for me, sharing my joy--and my pain--with my community of family and friends (YOU!) makes my life meaningful. i don't want to hide things, the hard parts, out of fear.

a friend of mine said she sometimes had a hard time reading this blog because it made her feel inadequate--that the life i presented to the public seemed too perfect. noah appears angelic, i seem to adore mothering, aaron comes off as the ideal husband, we seem to have wonderful friendships and great adventures... and as i look back over the years i see that i have been very choosy with what i share here. i definitely tend to post the picturesque. i skip right over the pictures of noah with snot running down his face; i do not mention how aaron and i argue; i choose not to share my struggles with depression or lack of motivation, or my impatience with noah or his un-angelic behavior. but why not? i guess the ugly parts don't make for as nice a story. but they are just as true as the pretty parts, and without them the story of our lives isn't whole.

so i guess i want to say thank you to those of you who are willing to read the whole story (and who encourage me to tell it). thanks for rejoicing with us in our joys, and for mourning with us in our sadness. and for respecting the myriad of ideas that we spew forth daily as healthy parts of the process of finding our place. please stay with us on this crazy journey.

there and back again

we have been home now for a month. it seems longer--it's hard already to remember the feel of daily life in new england. this month has been full of ideas: for life with this new baby; on place and where we belong; on parenting noah, and how to help him grow and learn; on vocation and what we might both like to do; on study, and where and what might be good fits for aaron; on how to stay connected to friends and family when we feel so scattered and far; on childbirth, health and healing. we haven't done much in this month, but we certainly have thought much.

we've also reflected on our few months away, which were a real blessing for me in particular. i remembered how important it is for me to be part of a close community of friends, and i learned that it is also important for noah too. he had such a wonderful time with benny, eli, jude, asher, henry, jasper and avry, and he seemed lost all alone in this house when we came home. he needs more than i can give him, and i need more than he can give me. and that's not unnatural, is it? now we just need to figure out how to accomplish a more communal life that also retains healthy spacial and emotional boundaries. any ideas?

(we have set in motion a weekly dinner with maryka, kevin and their housemates dorothy and lilly. this has been lovely. tonight involved mexican lasagne, banana "love" and impromptu banjo strumming. noah loved it.)

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i've been referring to this teeny tiny baby in my belly as "chickpea," which seemed to me a similar size item. but i just read that at eleven weeks, this baby is almost two inches long and weighs 1/4 of an ounce. so i guess we need a bigger reference object. maybe an avocado pit? not nearly as cute.

and look at its feet! tiny beautiful perfect feet. already there inside me. just waiting to grow and strengthen and run after noah.

it's hard to remember i'm pregnant, sometimes. i don't feel it much yet except for the nausea. and i'm so distracted by noah... which is great, because he is unbelievably fun right now. but i remember when noah was on the inside, i spent a lot of energy and thought connecting with him as he grew and moved inside me. i guess that intense connection is the lot of the firstborn baby, and i know that christina would say all that attention is both a blessing and a curse. i would like to learn how to be moderate with both these children, but also to lavish them with love.

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noah is a busy little guy. aaron and i were just saying that we think his age right now is the funnest it's been so far. in particular i'm really enjoying his newfound attention span for reading. the other day we read a "madeline" book the whole way through! and he likes to help in the kitchen and with the laundry, which is fun. sometimes his "organizational methods," however, aren't very similar to mine. (like taking the magazines out of the rack and spreading them around the floor.)

he's still communicating really well with signs, but has recently also added some words into the mix. he now says: mama, daddy, mailman, barbara (our landlady), nina (our landlady's cat), grandma, tractor, bus, dump-it (dump truck), hot, ball, yummy, etc. he also pats and kisses the baby in my belly. his little voice is so cute and enthusiastic. he was so excited today to go outside and point at barbara's car and say "barbara" and then point at our car and say "mama." what a genius.

other current noah favorite things include: pistachios, shoes, closing doors, cozy blankets, ice cream (and all treat-type items), trains, mailmen, pacifiers, books, baths, snow, wagon rides, throwing things, cucumbers, hanging out with grandma and grandpa, syrup, scratching me and aaron so we laugh, kiwi, oranges, grapefruit, looking out windows, eating at his little table, dancing, chasing and being chased, and driving around in aaron's truck. current non-favorites include: diaper changes, clothing changes, face and hand wipes, hair washes, haircuts, bike helmets, oatmeal, mama trying to do anything business-like, rides you pay 25 cents for at the supermarket, and daddy leaving for work. he's a pretty straightforward little kid.

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aaron's main journey right now is an attempt to narrow down his interests and options into the best path for his (and our family's) future. he was also inspired by our east coast journey, in particular through conversation, one of his favorite things. he loves talking about possibilities, and if you know him you know that often those ethereal conversations lead to real-life ideas. he's got lots. now his job is to whittle them down to the best and pursue those. he's considering graduate programs in Public History, Preservation Studies and/or Architecture. he is good at so many things and interested in nearly everything... so finding the right path for himself is hard work.

until the next step is clear, he's enjoying life at the boatyard, where he's still doing fancy things i don't understand. he's also bossing people around a bit (a new year's promotion), which he doesn't like but i think is good for him. he's determined to sneak more power on choosing our netflix dvds (think more warner herzog, less gilmore girls), but he'll have to crack my codes to get into our account. he's also teaching noah some unsavory tricks, like blowing rice through a straw and hammering things. sketchy. he's into ken burns' new documentary "the war" and he's reading kiran desai's "the inheritance of loss." he's also been listening to the black eyed peas' song "where is the love" on a daily basis. don't tell him i told you.

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i've been enjoying the results of my new year's resolution to call people more. i've realized laughing with people on the phone can be really therapeutic. so give me a call, you long lost friends and family! if you're lucky, i'll put noah on to tell you that a lion says "baaa."

i'm also working on my application for the doula training class at the seattle midwifery school. i know i've been talking about this for a long time, but i'm really going to do it this spring. it feels great to have this to look forward to and work toward. right now i'm feeling more excited about the postpartum doula training than the labor support training, which may be because i really enjoyed being with jennye and andrew in the days following esme's birth. i just ordered the book "nurturing the family: the guide for postpartum doulas" and i'm excited to read it. right now i've been enjoying "making babies: the science of pregnancy."

i just went with some friends to a showing of the movie, "the business of being born," a documentary about the hospital childbirth industry in the US. it was really eye-opening. there was also lots of beautiful homebirth footage. of course i couldn't keep my eyes dry. it was inspiring, though, and gave me hope that this next baby can come into the world more naturally. more on that later.

i've also been working on a mix cd called the happy new year mix, with a real focus on the happy. i want to be surrounded by hope and good cheer. we have been rocking out to it in the car, and it's definitely doing something good. (of course "where is the love" features prominantly.) let me know if you want a copy!

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so this is us, for now. what about you? let's be in touch.

snow fun

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noah has fun with dad at mount baker

snow thrower

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noah has more fun out of the cross-country ski trailer than in it, last weekend at mount baker.

tiny noah 2

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more tiny noah.  (bad video quality, sorry!)

tiny noah 1

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i just unearthed these old movies from when noah was teeny.  sort of boring but cute.

diaper touchdown (a movie)

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wherein aaron scores a touchdown with noah's poopy diaper in the dumpster outside jess and andrew's apartment building. (let it be known that andrew also scored a touchdown with a rotten lemon.)

couch fun with jessa (a movie)

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noah and jessa do some jumping on the couch, and jessa tackles noah.

piano players at nelson's cafe (a movie)

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noah and jessa provide some entertainment while sarah, cassin, maryka and i finish our breakfasts.

pinecone hilarity

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noah and kate go crazy with pinecones at bandstra christmasfest 2007

grandpa's turn

jeremy's sidways snowboard

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jeremy bust a move on the wassell boys' sled at the dartmouth cabin in new hampshire.  sorry for the sideways view again!

snowy noah

boy band (a movie)

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the boys get down with miss marcie in the kitchen

seaweed toss (a movie)

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noah has fun throwing goober-seaweed on the beach in rockport.  

lantern song (a movie)

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practicing the lantern song before our candlelit walk through the neighborhood on martinmas.

the new england history tour of 2007

we've decided that we want a big part of our time here to involve learning about this area (or reminding ourselves what we already know about this area). there are so many resources in new england for learning about history, including the houses we live in, the bumpy brick sidewalks we stroll over and the crumbling gravestones we pass by. aaron and i are really trying to notice what is around us, and to learn about how it came to be and how it used to be.

so far, we've explored a bit of the south shore of boston, including the coast guard heritage museum in barstable, the herreshoff marine museum in bristol, the new bedford whaling museum and a few boatyards on the cape. we walked a bit of the minuteman bikeway in lexington and had dinner in the old rail station downtown. we've gone to the maritime heritage center in gloucester and of course the essex shipbuilding museum. last weekend we drove out to the northampton area and visited the historic northampton museum and the williamsburg general store. on the way home we stopped at walden pond in concord and walked around it "deliberately."

while aaron focuses more on the history in and of these places, i focus more on the gift shops. in particular, on the notecards in the giftshops. i'm building up a nice collection, though most of them will likely be mailed off to some of you in the near future. at the walden pond gift shop i saw some beautiful prints with thoreau quotes and block prints by artist michael mccurdy. this is my favorite:
he also has a series of animal notecards, which are really fun. here is the fox:

and at the gloucester maritime museum, we found this awesome book:

this british shipwright and artist, james dodds, set some of his boat linocuts to the words of a kipling poem. it's beautiful! and after snooping around on his website, i saw another of his books, "alphabet of boats," which has a cool boat linocut for each letter of the alphabet. here's the ark:

i can't wait for our new england gift shop tour to continue!

the great iphoto fiasco of 2007

the other day peter tried to upload some of his pictures onto our computer, but our computer rejected him because it didn't have enough hard drive space. so pete suggested i delete some things and burn some things onto cd, in particular pictures and music, to free up some space. so i did. i deleted lots of music, and then i started backing up all our photos, burning them onto cd. after i'd burned a few cds, i put those photos into the trash. then i emptied the trash. then i suddenly had a TON of space on my hard drive and NO pictures in my iphoto library.

i don't know how, but somehow i deleted my entire iphoto library. sad, sad day. i took the computer to a "mac genius" at the mall but he wasn't genius enough to undo whatever i did. so most of our pictures are gone. what a lesson in impermanence!

we do still have access to the pictures i've posted on here and on flickr, and the few cds i burned before the fiasco, so not all is lost. but i imagine some of you have pictures from our lives on your own computers or in your email folders, or backed up in some responsible place. would you email those to us? in particular, if any of you have photos of things that aaron has made, we'd love to rebuild his portfolio. or maybe you could take pictures of things he's made and we'll add them in. hopefully one of these days he'll have his own flickr page dedicated to the things he's crafted.

we've learned our lesson, i swear. i'm only human. the computers win!

ups and downs (or, so many stairs!)

finally, an update from the east. it's quick to post little movies but harder to find time to write words. we left bellingham almost four weeks ago now. crazy!
in that time:
~we visited grandma and grandpa wedell and aunts joan and karin in fond du lac, wisconson.
~we visited the oldenburgs and the scott-brandts in grand rapids, michigan.
~aaron met with a professor and a filmmaker about the great lakes fishing history project.
~we sat in an airplane on the chicago runway for a few hours in a windstorm.
~we were welcomed overwhelmingly to our cozy new third-floor room at the julian house, full of lovely art, a bulletin board, nice-smelling soaps and lotions, pretty file folders and note cards, and a beautiful little crib for noah.
~we spent a few lovely days in lexington celebrating alan and cara's wedding, including family contra-dancing in a beautiful barn.
~we spent another few lovely days in barnstable, on cape cod, with our friends sarah, matt and avry ross, and with matt's grandma, aunts and cousin. noah played on the beach with avry, aaron went boat-scoping, and sarah made us lots of yummy food. we had a nice birthday breakfast for aaron at their house, including bacon, pastries and the new modest mouse cd.
~we have been partying quite a bit--at jesse walsh's 30th birthday party, a harvest party with margie and ian and other friends, benny's 7th birthday party and rosemary's 30th birthday party.
~we went to see the new wes anderson movie, "the darjeeling limited," trading childcare with the wassells.
~aaron bought a little beetlecat boat from harold burnham and is fixing it up in the julian house garage. he's already had help on the project from peter, scott, andrew, benny, eli and jude.
~we dressed noah up in an old wassell dragon costume and trick-or-treated around the neighborhood with all the little boys. noah got lots of candy for me and aaron to eat.
~we've walked around town a lot, frequenting the atomic cafe for coffee and cassis bakery for treats.
~aaron attended a lecture at gordon about "public history" and documentary filmmaking, which has gotten his wheels turning. (ask him!)
~we've cooked a few meals for the house, and eaten lots of yummy food (including a few cannolis).
~noah and i met my old roommate tanya's new baby harrison, who is just three weeks old. he's tiny!
~noah has fallen down quite a few stairs in this three-story house, but i think he's figured out the height dynamics at this point.
~noah has chased and been chased by tons of little boys. they have taught him a few things, including how to build and knock down block towers and how to knead bread. he also loves stealing benny and eli's "lord of the rings" swords and asher and jude's pacifiers.

yet to come:
~a trip to western mass to visit caleb, kirsten and anise and go to the massachusetts museum of contemporary art.
~a trip to vermont to see my family, with a stop in putney to see sarah bates' parents.
~boston day, and lots of riding around on trains and subways.
~a trip to connecticut to see more of my family.
~a trip to new york city when jennye's baby is born.
~a trip to portsmouth, new hampshire, to visit heidi and check out the waterfront.
~a big crafting event involving quilting, freezer-paper stenciling, gocco-printing, needle-felting and more!
~aaron's stool-making class for new hope christian school kids.
~and lots of fun hang-out time with chris, scott, benny, eli, jude, asher, henry, andrew, sarah and other friends.

more pictures soon to come on flickr. keep sending pictures of yourselves and your families and all the west-coast, mid-west and southern fun we're missing. love to you all!

benny's birthday blow-out (a movie)

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benny blows out the candles on his awesome dragon cake to celebrate his seventh year.

dane street beach (a movie)

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on benny's birthday aaron and i took noah and the wassell boys for a low-tide adventure.  noah got super muddy but had a lot of fun.

donuts on a string (a movie)

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at the harvest party, all the kids try to eat their donuts on strings without using their hands.  except noah, who used his hands.

faerie treasure (a movie)

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christina tells the kids a story of how shiny golden faerie treasures came to be in the haypile at pete and pilar's harvest party...

happy birthday, aaron!

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benny leads us all in a happy birthday song

train table walk

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noah and avry do some laps around the train table at avry's house in barnstable.

ticklefest

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noah is loving hanging out with these boys.

charlie brown

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noah enjoys some lively music at alan and cara's rehearsal dinner.

piano (a movie)

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noah's first concert, on ben and sarah's piano

harmonica

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great grandpa ken shows noah a thing or two about the harmonica

reading with great grandma

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noah and his great grandma irene read a bedtime story