and you shall teach them

last sunday st. paul's began our godly play program--to a room FULL of children! i am really happy to be part of this program. i can't imagine a better way for noah to begin learning about our faith. i wasn't sure how he'd do in the 45-minute class, where quiet listening is a big part of what needs to happen. but it looked like he was interested in the story and then in the craft he chose to work on afterwards. he also seemed intrigued by all the other kids, and happy be part of something with the bigger boys.

there's a pretty informative video about godly play here. and this is from the godly play website: "Godly Play teaches children the art of using religious language - parable, sacred story, silence and liturgical action - helping them become more fully aware of the mystery of God’s presence in their lives." it is not about learning the answers; it's about wondering.

on sunday those of us who will "teach" in godly play and other programs were commissioned by our congregation. this is from that service:

the words which i command you this day shall be upon your hearts; and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

v. we will recount to generations to come the praiseworthy deeds and the power of the lord:

r. and the wonderful works he has done.

epiphanies

today the season of epiphany ends and lent begins. the feast of epiphany celebrates the revelation of god becoming incarnate through the baby jesus, and this fact being made known to the world. but we also think of epiphanies as those lightbulb ideas when we realize something that maybe we should have known all along. i've been thinking about what those lightbulbs are for me, and how to take those epiphanies with me through this year's lenten journey.

epiphany #1: i love my family. why don't i always act like i do? why am i often impatient with my children or critical of my husband? why do i want them to be other than they are? this lent i want my love for them to be clear to them every day, and to greatly overshadow my frustrations.

epiphany #2: i have so so much. so much stuff. so much money. so much food. so many people who love and support me. why do i always want more? why do i read catalogs? browse craigslist? compare myself and my life to others? this lent i want to minimize the input that makes me feel lustful, and minimize my role in a consumerist society. i want to buy less and want less. i want to share. i want to surround myself with words, images and people who affirm my real beliefs--that i have an abundance.

epiphany #3: blogs aren't always what they seem. i love having this blog as a medium to process and chronicle our lives, and as a way to share our little world with you, our dear friends and family. but it's also a strange thing to write honestly and with humility for a sort-of faceless readership. it's easy for me to share the best parts of my family, of my words and images. but how does that make you feel? i know that we all have this general understanding of how blogs work, that they are just a window and not the whole story, that it's okay to share beauty and inspiration, to toot our own horns a bit... but still, how does that make you feel?

i'm realizing that i often come away from the computer feeling pretty down, after i've spent some time scanning blogs belonging to people whose lives seem so much better than mine. in these blogs the women are supermamas, nurturing to their many children, creating gorgeous art and craft and food, living in lovely, well-organized, clean homes, reading challenging literature... and while this may not be the whole story, it doesn't really matter. because i come away feeling inadequate, jealous, frustrated, lustful. i do not come away feeling energized and inspired. likely this is more a critique of me than of the blogosphere in general--which means that i have some important work to do within myself in dealing with those bad feelings and nurturing some positive ones. which i don't think i can do very well with a computer on my lap. which is a roundabout way of saying that for this epiphany, my resolution is to keep my computer in a hard-to-reach place, and use it only minimally. i think our whole family will benefit from this.

epiphany #4: i am happy when i am creative. i feel frustrated when i don't have the time or space to be so. this lent i want to begin working on some projects i've thought about for a while, including posting some things on etsy, putting together another zine, documenting my babies in their journals and baby books, making my yard pretty, writing lots of letters and breaking in my new sewing machine. for a long time i've felt like i can't begin being creative until my space is perfectly organized, but if i wait for that, i'll never do anything!

epiphany #5: meditation. i'm not good at extended prayer or meditation. my mind wanders so easily. but i appreciate having a short phrase or prayer to repeat when i find myself with a few minutes of quiet--falling asleep at night, nursing isla, drinking coffee. so i was very excited to receive a postcard this week from my friend dale, who left me with these wise words:

fear not! pray always!

an invitation to a holy lent.

christmas cards

yesterday on all things considered i heard this funny commentary about christmas cards by a jesuit priest. he was criticizing the current craze for family-oriented christmas cards, wherein we take pictures of ourselves and our kids, often from a trip to a fancy beach-front location, and put those pictures in the place of the holy family on the cards we send to family and friends at christmastime. though his commentary was really funny ("think more virgin mary and less virgin islands"), i also felt chagrined.

this was the first year i fell prey to the my-cute-kids-on-the-christmas-card trend, mostly because we just didn't have the energy to make meaningful christ-centered christmas cards, and secondarily because i know people we don't see often like seeing pictures of my cute kids (and i like seeing pictures of theirs!). and the simple message on our cards--JOY--i meant to be big enough to embrace the christmas miracle but also all the other small things that bring joy to our lives (like noah and isla, for example). but maybe subtlety like that isn't quite in keeping with "go, tell it on the mountain!"

but it's tricky, because sometimes hearing a story over and over again makes its meaning go away. it's not like the cards with a trite hallmark christmasy rhyme and a picture of a manger really make me take stock of the christmas miracle. i think the best cards take a small part of the story and open it up, or let you make meaning out of it yourself. i think this also about christmas songs, poetry, media, etc. and this is why i love the charlie brown christmas special more than any other christmas movie: linus reciting the poetic text from the book of luke to a crowd of silly young people trying to put on a pageant, silencing them all. it stops you in your tracks. and some of the traditional carols on sufjan stevens' christmas cds are like this too. my favorite right now is "lo, how a rose e'er blooming," and the powerful image of incarnation it evokes with the lines "it came, a flowerth bright/amid the cold of winter/when half-spent was the night... to show god's love aright/she bore to us a savior/when half-spent was the night."

next year i promise we'll make cards again, with a subtle image or text that will leave you feeling like, "yeah... that's it! that's what it's all about!"

(but in one more defense of this year's cards: incarnation means christ came in body, he gestated in his mother's womb, he was born with blood and amniotic fluid through sweat and tears, he was a beautiful little baby, he nursed at his mother's breast, she cried with joy, she was a mother above all things. and right now being mother to my little ones is what the christmas story is about for me. and right now joy, and holding tight. but later having to learn to let go...

but we'll wait until easter for that.)

saint nicholas, sinterklaas and baby jesus

as our children get older, it seems more important to be intentional about how we celebrate holidays, and what traditions we make for our family. i love this time of year--the colder weather, the christmas trees and lights, the crafting, the baking, and even the gift-giving. i want noah and isla to love it too. but i want them also to understand the waiting--that right now is not yet the christmas season, but rather the season of advent. that we shouldn't really be singing christmas carols yet (though i have been listening to sufjan), but songs about waiting. (sunday we sang "come thou long expected jesus," one of my favorites.) and mostly i want them to know that what we're celebrating on christmas day is the birth of the little baby who changed the world.

many of my friends with small children are beginning traditions of celebrating saint nicholas on his saint's day, december 5, and making this their main christmas tradition. the real saint nicholas was a bishop of myra who secretly gave gifts to the needy, resurrected children, and calmed rough seas for sailors. saint nicholas day is celebrated differently around the world. we're most familiar with the dutch sinterklaas celebration, which is something aaron's pake and oma grew up with and passed on pieces of to their children. in this tradition dutch children put out their shoes filled with hay or carrots for sinterklaas's horse, and wake in the morning to find the hay replaced with a treat, and nearby a bag of presents delivered by sinterklaas in the night. (let's not even get into the topic of sinterklaas's helpers, zwarte pieten, or black peters!)

this year we spent saint nicholas day with some friends in lynden, a town nearby with a primarily dutch population. we processed with sinterklaas and zwarte piet from the lynden chamber of commerce to the community center, where we then watched some klompen dancing, heard some stories, sang some songs and could have pictures taken with sinterklaas. noah was mildly interested and a bit nervous. there's no way he would've sat on sinterklaas's lap, even if we had braved the very long line to do so.

(here's me and isla with our friends marissa and isadora, with sinterklaas and a few zwarte piets in the background.)

but we sort of dropped the ball this year on any attempt to celebrate the real saint nicholas. really i think noah is still a bit young to understand the relationship between the stories of our saints (and of our savior) and his little life. i don't want him to feel overwhelmed or stressed out by our attempts to indoctrinate him with our beliefs, or to make every holiday so full of meaning and significance that it becomes almost forced. rather, i want him to grow into a natural understanding of and interest in the reasons behind our family traditions and our faith.

we haven't talked too much about the reason for christmas, but he knows that it is the celebration of the birth of baby jesus. how do you explain incarnation and fulfillment of prophesy to a two-year-old? i think for now i'll let the story explain itself. he has a golden book version of the christmas story which he LOVES. he takes it to bed with him, and sometimes it counts as two of his three bedtime stories, and we read it twice. so maybe i'm taking my job too seriously. maybe he will teach himself what christmas is all about.

next year i think we'll celebrate a more traditional saint nicholas day. i love the idea of teaching my children the importance of giving to the poor, and of doing things with no thought to self (like helping at a soup kitchen, spending time with older folks, buying something for a needy family, etc.). but i feel okay about also celebrating christmas on the 25th, since this honors something altogether different--the birth of the christ-child. it is a little strange to exchange gifts with one another in celebration of someone else's birthday... but maybe as time goes on we'll figure out just the right way for our family to be able to honor jesus and also give to one another. i know some families don't do gifts on christmas day, in order to keep that day sacred. we'll see.

i'd love to hear ideas from any of you on how you integrate your beliefs with family traditions!

sealed by the holy spirit

isla louise was baptized on november 2, all saint's day, at saint paul's episcopal church in bellingham. it was a lovely service with about 10 other candidates! we felt sad that isla's godparents couldn't be present, but her grandparents stood in for them. and we count you all as her extended community, and therefore charge you to "do all in your power to support this person in her life in christ... with god's help!"

grandma made this gorgeous baptism dress. i wanted something wintry and very simple, made from cream with a little pale pink. grandma mixed and matched a few patterns to come up with this. it is so lovely. and so is its wearer!

she is sealed by the holy spirit and marked as christ's own forever. hooray!