rainbow girl

made by isla in church

"that heart is my best heart i ever drew," she told me.  "don't you love it?"  

yes!

ezra august, nine months old

at the mount baker theatre, entertaining himself while isla has dress rehearsal

this boy has been with us on the outside now for as long as he was with me on the inside.  that seems like something notable!

the past month has brought lots of change for this little guy.  when we left for mexico right after christmas, he had just starting crawling around a bit.  he was kind of slow and cautious.  but when we returned home and set him down on the floor, he immediately attempted to pull down the christmas tree, to eat the christmas lights, to pull down and play with all the fragile glass dishware he could reach on our conveniently open kitchen shelves.  he found noah's legos and isla's craft supplies if left lower than the table top.  he crawled right into isla's play area to feast on her tiny, choky, dollhouse furniture.  he pulled himself up to standing on the very solid and bonky wooden bench.  he found every toy smaller than his mouth, and inserted it immediately!  so, suffice it to say, we have been frantically following him around, taking things out of his mouth and rearranging the house!  i think we've finally gotten things arranged so that he is free to explore in a fairly safe manner.  but he is still surprising us with how quickly he can find anything yucky or choky and stick it in his mouth.

he is just beginning to feel comfortable sitting up on his own.  maybe it is his heavy head that throws him off balance?  he has always been more happy on his belly, and still when we sit him down he usually rolls right over to his belly and then leans up on one elbow to check you out.  it's a funny lazy-teenager kind of move.

eating the pool toys in mexico

ezra still takes two naps a day, usually.  the morning one is about two hours and the afternoon one is shorter.  maybe my favorite time with him is right after he wakes and i lift him out of his crib.  he snuggles into me with his puffy, sleepy eyes and warm, rosy cheeks.  this is notable since most of his waking time he does not waste on snuggling.  he is too busy for that!

he is pretty much done with such baby gadgets as the exersaucer and the johnny jumper.  he would rather be left to follow his big sister and brother around the house.  he loves to watch them and loves it even more, of course, when they really focus on him.  noah sometimes reads board books to him, or builds little block towers for ezra to knock over.  isla dances and sings for him and engages him with his basket of baby toys.  they both love to feed him and take baths with him.

he has nearly outgrown his small metal mini-crib.  he turns himself in circles on his belly and when he's perpendicular he bonks his head.  our room is going to be quite cozy with a full-sized crib in there!

we have been taking walks every sunny day we can, and ez seems content to hang out in the bottom part of the stroller, cozy in his green dragon snowsuit, just checking out the scenery.  he also loves to swing in the blue baby swing in our yard.

ezra loves to eat!  i remember that when he was 6 months old i worried that he was not gaining enough weight.  well, those worries are over.  i think he weighs about 22 pounds now (we weighed him on the airport luggage scale), and he is wearing all 12 months size clothes.  he takes after his father in the food department: not picky and enjoys nearly everything!  pirate's booty and peaches are his two favorite things.  bananas and mashed peas are his least favorite.

ezra playing in one of the empty dance studios while isla has her ballet class 

ice skating outside in downtown vancouver

he has had 6 teeth for a few months, with no more in sight for now.  his hair is growing longer and darker red.  his dimples are still strong when he smiles, which is all the time.  he can do downward dog.  he laughs at "peek-a-boo" and "hole in the road."  he doesn't mind car trips.  he does not hook his legs around me when i hold him, but just hangs like a dead weight!  he does not like the nursery at church.  he seems to understand the few signs we do with him, but he hasn't signed back yet.  he takes off any hat that doesn't tie under his chin.  he loves to eat his booties.  (and mama's crocs.  yuck!)  he says "dada dada," and laughs.  he is learning about books, though he still loves to eat them as much as look at them.  he does not like diaper changes, or outfit changes, and he is the wiggliest of all my babies!  sometimes i need backup just to get him dressed.

in his new hat from carrie, which he tore off immediately!

aaron thinks that there is a special fondness for a baby whose birth was not exactly on the schedule.  maybe this is true.  we all adore little ezzie, and he brings so much joy to all of us.  (now that he is sleeping a little better, i can say this more honestly.)  of course we can't imagine our family without him.  

at mount baker, in his bear suit from grandma katie

rough week

i don't have a headache right now.  that might not sound like it's worth writing a blog post about, but in the last 9 days, it has been an unusual occurrence.  my whole headache saga is too long and complicated and depressing to go into.  and i am actually hopeful that things will improve in the future. but right now i am just feeling so exhausted and sad from this bout of headaches that it's hard for me to think outside of this current reality.

i feel like i've been a terrible mother this week too.  impatient, yelling a lot, not enjoying my children, just watching the clock until aaron gets home.  i know that i have a reason to feel this way, but the kids don't really understand that.  they just think i'm being mean.  i yelled at isla yesterday for being too wild with ezra, who had gotten a bonk, and told her to go away for a while.  when she came back she peered at me cautiously and said, "aren't you going to say sorry now, mama, for being so mean?"

the worst part is that when i have a headache most of the time, i feel so much pressure to appreciate the small times when i don't have a headache.  sometimes i am overwhelmed by it!  how should i spend my small snippets of healthy time?  what if i waste it?  what if i let a messy house, or a needy child get me down and then the little chunk of time is gone and i'm back on the other side?  how can i seize not the day but the minutes?!  what is most important to do?  what will make me happiest in the long run?  see how this is exhausting?

i really don't want to complain too much.  i honestly know that in the big picture my life is so full and good.  but sometimes the minutes can be very hard.

i am also feeling melancholy this week because of two other things.  one is that i saw les miserables last weekend with irene.  it was so good!  and the songs were still so familiar, even though i hadn't really thought about les mis since i sort of gave up my musicals phase long ago.  but all the songs were still in my head, and the story was still powerful enough to have me thinking about it a week later.  there are so many big questions in that story, about the complexities of right and wrong and lawfulness, and what  is worth sacrificing for bigger things, and the value of love.  we really are so lucky to live in this place and this time.

and the other thing affecting me is this book.  i feel sort of silly even admitting that i have read all the previous books in this series, and when i saw this one at the library i figured i should finish the story of these girls that i have followed so far.  and i'm really glad i did.  the end of their story is much deeper than i thought it would be--very, very sad.  but it was beautifully written and just right in the end.  it made me appreciate anew the gift i have been given in being a mother, and how important that role can be.  i do recommend this book, but if you read it, prepare to cry.

i'll end on a happy note.  look at isla in this picture.  the rest of her dance class is all standing still, waiting for instruction from their teacher on what to do next.  but isla?  no way.  she is so full of life.   you can't stop this girl from tapping her little heart out.  i am sorry i was mean this week, little isla.  hopefully next week will be better.

new table!

in other news around here, aaron recently made us a beautiful new kitchen table!  we all love it so much.  it has a trestle-type timber-framed bottom and uses some local old fir flooring as the top.  it is big enough to handle many things at once: me cooking, isla crafting, noah lego-ing and more!  and ezra has already mastered crawling underneath the center beam without bonking his head.  what more could we ask?

in process

timber frame pieces

trestle bottom

it fits a table runner and lots of food!

lots of and room for painting!

and lego-ing!

next up will be a built-in bench seat against the back wall under the windows.  stay tuned!

argh, social media

a little update on ezra's baby contest status: bad!  he is sorely behind.  some of those babies (and let's face it, not all of them cute ones) have hundreds of votes!  i am chalking it up to facebook.  but it's okay.  we all know who the real winner is.  and many thanks to all of you for your votes for our oblivious little guy!  he has clearly moved on to other pursuits.

vote for ezra!

hey everyone,

i've entered ezra in a cutest baby of 2012 photo contest.  i know, it's silly.  but really, i do think he's the cutest baby of 2012!  don't you?  (except for those of you who also had babies in 2012.  in that case, your baby is of course the cutest baby of 2012.)  :)

in any case, if he wins the contest he'll be in the newspaper and we'll win a prize from a local baby store.  so... would you vote for ezra?  you can vote once a day until next thursday, january 24.  go here to vote: http://bellinghamherald.upickem.net/engine/Votes.aspx?PageType=VOTING&contestid=79454

you can search for ezra's name alphabetically or by number.  he's #98.

thanks, everyone!!

hasta luego, mexico!

we just returned from an amazing week in bucerias, mexico (on the west coast, near puerto vallarta) with aaron's family.  i will write more about our adventures soon.  for now, you can enjoy some photos here.

feliz navidad, feliz ano nuevo, y feliz día de los reyes!