a terribly two-year-old week

for the most part, we have not found noah's second year to be terrible. instead it has been super fun to watch our little boy grow. he's so physically competent, he's very communicative and inquisitive, he's hilarious and loving. every day he learns new things, and teaches me a thing or two as well.

but last week, for whatever reason, was terrible. i think it was for a few reasons, actually: we'd had our friends the cowans visiting for almost two weeks, which was fun but also hard; noah had a terrible cold; we all got his cold; and i was grumpy and stressed out. this all led to a few days of very naughty boy. aaron and i broke out the parenting books. we asked our friends what their kids are like, and how they deal with discipline. i talked to our doctor about it. i cried. a lot.

even more than being upset at the naughtiness, though, i felt saddened by noah's grumpy, distant attitude. and the thought that somehow suddenly my funny, sweet, warm little boy was no longer any of those things. the idea of this loss was too much for me. i felt really really sad.

but just as suddenly as the terrible week began, it ended. noah is not a mean boy who doesn't love his mama. he is a two-year-old who had a hard week. and this week he is a mama's boy again, cuddling and laughing and listening. we are friends again.

but i think it was important for us to go through the terrible week. reading the books and talking with friends have inspired us to make a few changes in the hopes of making life easier--less conflict meaning fewer opportunities for noah to be naughty or for me to lose patience.

here are some ideas:

• have routines (while still being flexible). help him know what to expect, and what's expected of him.
• help him be independent. he has his own shoe box by the door now, and we're working on taking shoes off right away when we come in. we want to put up some coathooks by the door at his level as well.
• don't plan things i know will be stressful. (like shopping) one thing we found out is stressful for a two-year-old is sharing your small house with another family of four for two weeks. and sharing all your toys with another two-year-old boy.
• feed him good food. but don't stress if he doesn't eat.
• make some things choices, but others statements. for example, oatmeal or eggs for breakfast? no big deal. but other things he doesn't get to choose: it's time to get into the stroller, not, do you want to get into the stroller? hopefully understanding these types of expectations will actually take some stress off him.
• have a few basic rules that, if broken, lead to time-out. i'm not sure what these should be yet.
• try to use positive language as much as possible. talk about what he can do.
  
• go outside every day.
• make time for just noah.
• remember that he is a two-year-old, and, in theory, incapable of empathy, sharing, and understanding consequences. crazy!!
• oh, and PRAY! when i read this suggestion in dr. sears' book, i thought, wow, what a great idea! why didn't i think of that? i want to start praying more for noah and also with him.
  

dr. sears says that discipline is about raising a child in the way he should go (and when he is old, he will not part from it)--and takes that to mean the way that particular child should go. to do this, above all you have to know your child and help discern the way that child should go. and knowing our children better so we can help guide them better is a wonderful and practical idea. discipline is not about punishment, although that might be part of it. mostly it should be about helping our children feel right and act right. i want to do that.